Welcome to EMUSE!

EmuseForum is your #1 forum for General Discussions, The weird & wonderful, Politics, Sexy Babes, Porn and more!

  1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

If Santa Could Write Back...

Discussion in 'Jokes & Soundboards' started by KillerMike, Dec 9, 2006.

  1. KillerMike

    KillerMike Only the Strong Survive
    Premium

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2005
    Messages:
    504
    Ratings:
    +13 /0 /-0
    Deer Santa,
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.
    I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.

    Yer Friend, Billy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare.
    How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell?
    I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.
    At least HE can spell.

    Santa



    *****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
    peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love, Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

    Santa


    ****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
    I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
    Please see what you can do.
    Love, Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
    Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom,
    who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream.
    Let me send you some Lego's instead.

    Santa


    ****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog,
    a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love, Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay.
    I'll set you up with a Barbie.

    Santa


    ****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
    for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love, Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face
    when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
    Leave me a bottle of Scotch.

    Santa

    ****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping,
    do you really know when we're awake,
    like in the song?
    Love, Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible?
    Good luck in whatever you do.
    I'm skipping your house.

    Santa

    ****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please,
    PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
    Love, Timmy

    Dear Timmy,
    That whiney begging shit may work with your folks,
    but that crap doesn't work with me.
    You're getting a sweater again.

    Santa

    ****************************************************
    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house.
    How do you get into our home?
    Love, Marky

    Dear Mark,
    First stop callling yourself "Marky",
    that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school.
    Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent
    apartment complex.
    Third, I get inside your pad just like the bogey man
    does, through your bedroom window.

    Sweet dreams,
    Santa
     
  2. psychotic n00b

    psychotic n00b Fcuk Normal.

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2005
    Messages:
    1,263
    Ratings:
    +0 /0 /-0
    santa is an asshole :(
     
  3. Mattjam

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2005
    Messages:
    3,917
    Ratings:
    +11 /0 /-0
    I laughed at most of those. Where'd you get them from?
     
  4. YoungLink

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2006
    Messages:
    63
    Ratings:
    +0 /0 /-0
    Santa=Satan!!!
     
  5. KillerMike

    KillerMike Only the Strong Survive
    Premium

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2005
    Messages:
    504
    Ratings:
    +13 /0 /-0
    A friend of mine sent it to me. I thought it was fucking hilarious lol!
     

Share This Page