If you were adopted?

Would you want to learn about or find your birth parents if you were adopted?


  • Total voters
    21

Big D

Yeah...I love it
#1
I was adopted. I've known that I was adopted for my whole life...it was never a thing that my parents tried to hide from me. I was only three months old at the time of my adoption, so I don't remember a thing about it. I also have a brother and a sister, no blood relation to me, who were adopted by my parents as well.

I've never been interested in meeting my birth parents...I didn't even ask to know anything about them until I was around 18. When I did ask, I found out that my birth mom was apparently a quadriplegic in an institution of some sort, and my birth father was never identified. I don't know how she got pregnant, but I have a very good guess. Sometimes I wish I had never found out about my birth parents...and I have never had any desire to make contact with my birth mother.

Anyone else adopted? Post your experiences here, and whether you'd like to know or meet your birth parents. As well, let me know if you have ever felt like you weren't as close to your family as other friends, or even siblings, who weren't adopted? Ever wish you weren't adopted? Other adoptees I've met over the years have always had different opinions on this subject, so I'm always a bit curious.

Anyone who wasn't adopted, go ahead and let me know how you think you would have handled being adopted as well. Also, for anybody to answer, would you ever consider adopting a child?
 
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MaKaVeLi

#2
well i wasnt adopted but my friend was. He said it made him depressed to not know who the people that brang him in to this world were. But the reason he thought that was because the family that adopted him were bitter and really strict and sort of non loving. So he always felt like the trade mark "adopted kid"
 

Big D

Yeah...I love it
#3
MaKaVeLi said:
well i wasnt adopted but my friend was. He said it made him depressed to not know who the people that brang him in to this world were. But the reason he thought that was because the family that adopted him were bitter and really strict and sort of non loving. So he always felt like the trade mark "adopted kid"
What does "trade mark adopted kid" mean? Just curious, I've never actually heard that expression referring to an adopted child...
 

Riley

The Freakin Rican
Premium
Feb 3, 2004
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#4
I have never known my real father, in fact he doesn't even know I exist. But I have a step dad that has always been my real father when it counts. I have no desire to meet my sperm donor, he had a habit of beating my mother.
 

Big D

Yeah...I love it
#5
Riley said:
I have never known my real father, in fact he doesn't even know I exist. But I have a step dad that has always been my real father when it counts. I have no desire to meet my sperm donor, he had a habit of beating my mother.
Thats fucked up of your "sperm donor" to treat your mom like that. Glad he's out of your life. Also glad that you're in a positive situation with a good step dad...not all step dad's adapt well to a child thats not their own. I understand it can be quite difficult, on both ends at times...
 

Riley

The Freakin Rican
Premium
Feb 3, 2004
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#6
Big D said:
Thats fucked up of your "sperm donor" to treat your mom like that. Glad he's out of your life. Also glad that you're in a positive situation with a good step dad...not all step dad's adapt well to a child thats not their own. I understand it can be quite difficult, on both ends at times...
Yeah it was really bad, she actually fled to the States from Puerto Rico to get away from him, he was a real piece of shit. But I am very lucky to have my step dad (actually my real dad) he has been in my life since I was 5 and he comes to all my soccer, volleyball, band concerts ect.., and he truely loves my mother, oh and he gave me a little sister. :)
 

droogsteve

Back from the dead
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Mar 24, 2003
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Bronx, NY
#7
I wouldn't want to know anything about my birth parents. It just seems incredibly ungrateful to the parents that raised you for someone to turn 18 and then say: "Gee, thanks for dedicating your entire lives to me, now I'm gonna find my REAL parents". The parents who were there for you all those years ARE your real parents as far as I'm concerned.
 
C

CherryTop1803

#8
I would at least want to know who they were and what kind of person they were. I would'nt cut out the people who raised me and took me into their lives. I would want to find out if my birth parents had a real good reason for letting me go. It would eat at me forever if I didn't. If I met them and found out they were dead beats then so be it. At least I knew...Some people don't have the means to take care of a kid. Maybe they didn't have the money or the mental stability to take care of a child. It's sad to say but most of the people that give up their kid are just to damn lazy or selfish...But there of some out there that have no choice. They just want their kid to have a better life then that had..To me..that is the most un selfish thing you can do...
 
#10
I am adopted and I couldn't ever wish to have better parents. Even when I put them through allot of shit when I was in highschool they have always been there for me. Never have they thrown "well your adopted" in my face. Even my extended family acts just like we are blood relations. So i have no desire to meet anyone else because I already have great family. I agree with droogsteve on this one it would be like a slap in the face to tell the only parents you have ever known who love and have raised you that they were not good enough by saying you want to know your "real" parents". I have real parents the other ones F#ck em :cool:
 

Madness

Once in a while.
#11
I would like to know why they put me up for adoption and if they had any other choices. If they were any good I would forgive them. But It's good to catch up with your old parents and see what's happening.
 
#13
vamp said:
i'm not adopted so i dont what i would do.
Gee whiz, thanks for that EXTREMELY informative and helpful piece of information...

Personally if I was adopted, I think I might be a little curious as to the story, but I doubt I'd take it farther than that, out of respect to my folks and my biological parents. I figure if they really had the desperate need to get in touch with me they would, but I wouldn't press it on them.
 

Big D

Yeah...I love it
#14
Thanks for all your votes and posts thus far...I find it curious that more people would make some type of contact with their biological parents than wouldn't. Curious because my own thought process is different, of course, but I never seem to follow the crowd in my own thought process anyway.

Although I wouldn't trade my family for anything (they may all be screwed up, but they're my family), I've sometimes wondered what it would be like to have a blood relation in my life that I knew. I've never wanted this person to be my biological parents though. As I'm getting married this summer, and we talk about having children in the future, I realize that I am somewhat excited that I may have this opportunity...
 
S
#15
I'm not adopted but I think everyone has the right to know their roots. I believe that when parents adopt, they understand that the child may want to know where they came from and accept that fact. They know that you love them and you will always look to them as your real parents. In fact, it's not the parents that have issues, it's the adoptee. What I mean by that is, the adoptee feels a sense of loyalty to their adoptive parents and don't want to hurt their feelings by looking for their biological parents. Whereas the adoptive parents want their child to be happy in life. They want what is best for the child.

A few years ago, I heard a really sad story about an adoptee who wanted to reunite with her parents so I helped her find them. Getting involved with so many groups along my search got me really interested in doing this. I've reunited quite a few. Some are good endings and some are not but in the long run, you don't have those unanswered questions anymore.

I say, do what you feel you need to do in your heart and have a discussion with your adoptive parents to find out what their feelings are on this as well. If you let them know you love them but just want to know where you came from and the reason behind the adoption, believe me, they will understand. No one can replace them.
 
S
#16
Oh, Big D, sorry, I just wanted to add one important thing I forgot to say. If for nothing else but to know medical history, it's not a bad idea to find out. I mean, if you plan on having children, you might want to know. I would be glad to help you.

Good luck on your marriage! That's nice news! :D
 

Big D

Yeah...I love it
#17
Star said:
Oh, Big D, sorry, I just wanted to add one important thing I forgot to say. If for nothing else but to know medical history, it's not a bad idea to find out. I mean, if you plan on having children, you might want to know. I would be glad to help you.

Good luck on your marriage! That's nice news! :D
Hey, thanks for the offer, but I actually have the medical records. That was one of the reasons my parents and I discussed it when I was 18.
 
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MaKaVeLi

#19
I know this isnt the thread for me becuase im not adopted but i know 2 people people who are. Ok, one of them was adopted by a single mother and she is nice and shit. They get along well and he feels apart of the family. The other killed himself last night. You can see the difference between the two...
 

Big D

Yeah...I love it
#20
My fiance and I would consider adoption...there are a lot of kids in need, and after we have two kids, a third would really be contributing to over population. I just wonder how the one adopted child would feel. As parents, we would love the child the same, but does anyone think there are other influences that may negatively affect the child beyond our control? Jealous siblings? Looking, talking, or acting different? The age of the child at adoption? Experience of the child before adoption?

Has anyone ever thought about this, or experienced this?