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Read this, won't be dissapointed.

Discussion in 'Jokes & Soundboards' started by Sultan, Sep 29, 2005.

  1. Sultan

    Sultan Guest

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    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
    much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
    never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
    "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
    to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
    by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
    the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
    her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
    unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
    several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
    take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
    compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
    went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
    earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
    one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
    she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
    tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
    She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
    dear, let's go to the cashier."

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

    I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
    just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
    your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
    was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
    not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either
     
  2. Aznor

    Aznor Guest

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    Haha, good read. :hilarious:
     
  3. dudeinanigloo

    dudeinanigloo Inventor of the High Five

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    Hahaha, that's gotta be the best burn ever! :icon_rofl :icon_rofl
     
  4. Reficul

    Reficul Guest

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    :icon_rofl That was so great man!!!! If that is a true story I envy you! If that happens in my future I hope I remeber this to get back at her.
     
  5. Homer Simpson

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  6. swchblade34

    swchblade34 banned of brothers

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    lol this shud be on ebaumsworld.
     
  7. Masta Shake

    Masta Shake Active Member

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    I must say, outside of the racial jokes, this is the best joke to come out of this part of the forum. I applaud you, good sir.

    ~MS
     
  8. Snowy

    Snowy BAMF

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    that was the greatest thing ive ever read on this forum

    *bows*
     
  9. Nsxno6

    Nsxno6 Escaped From Rehab

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    One of the very few good posts I have seen in a while
    :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang:
     
  10. mr.wow

    mr.wow Asshat

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    HAHAHAHA! she got a taste of her own medicine. Im going to say this to girls too :hilarious:
     
  11. DevilX4

    DevilX4 Guest

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    Wow... all i can say mate, is that you must have EXTREMLY large balls to do that LOL!! nice post!!
     
  12. Jockey

    Jockey Guest

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    all I can say is....thats just a joke it didnt actually happen to him
     
  13. æcvfootball10æ

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    Thats probably the best story/Joke I've heard all week
     
  14. Shameless

    Shameless alberto's pedostache

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    Wow nicely done...shut the fuck up, no one cares. It was funny.
     
  15. Beemis

    Beemis Folder is empty

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    You rock, Sultan. An excellent story, well told.
     
  16. scary_A

    scary_A Member

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    i dont post often, but,

    awesome! /clap
     
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