Read this, won't be dissapointed.

S

Sultan

#1
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either
 
A
#2
Haha, good read. :hilarious:
 
R

Reficul

#4
:icon_rofl That was so great man!!!! If that is a true story I envy you! If that happens in my future I hope I remeber this to get back at her.
 
H

Homer Simpson

#5
Awesome! :)
 

Masta Shake

Active Member
Feb 15, 2005
3,607
23
0
612 Wharf Avenue
#7
I must say, outside of the racial jokes, this is the best joke to come out of this part of the forum. I applaud you, good sir.

~MS
 
Jul 10, 2005
1,483
1
0
29
Washington
#8
that was the greatest thing ive ever read on this forum

*bows*
 

Nsxno6

Escaped From Rehab
Jul 26, 2005
134
0
0
Turlock, CA
#9
One of the very few good posts I have seen in a while
:bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang:
 
Jul 15, 2005
4,578
2
0
California
#10
HAHAHAHA! she got a taste of her own medicine. Im going to say this to girls too :hilarious:
 
D

DevilX4

#11
Sultan said:
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either

Wow... all i can say mate, is that you must have EXTREMLY large balls to do that LOL!! nice post!!
 
J

Jockey

#12
all I can say is....thats just a joke it didnt actually happen to him
 
Æ

æcvfootball10æ

#13
Thats probably the best story/Joke I've heard all week
 

Shameless

alberto's pedostache
Aug 21, 2005
3,462
1
0
#14
Jockey said:
all I can say is....thats just a joke it didnt actually happen to him
Wow nicely done...shut the fuck up, no one cares. It was funny.
 

Beemis

Folder is empty
May 14, 2005
618
2
0
#15
You rock, Sultan. An excellent story, well told.